I have learnt over the years that freaking out is really not helping when things aren’t going the way I planned it, usually, staying calm and collected is a much better approach.

But you know this last week kicked my butt. My husband finally had a week off and we had plans on taking it easy and spending some quality time. As often best laid plans are just an invitation to chaos, I first dropped my laptop last Sunday. The computer wiz recommended by a client, came, saw and delivered the news that he would be able to get my data of the hard disk but that the laptop screen would be too expensive to warrent repair.

An hour later the washing machine broke for good.

Then I broke the printer.

Then I broke the power adapter for the other laptop.

Then finally on Thursday, it was the kid’s first speech and language session. Last August I went for the first time to the health visitor to ask for help with the speech. She sent me to the GP, first GP totally sent me packing, calling my concerns ridiculous. Second GP I saw referred me to hearing test. In November, we finally had hearing test appointment. All good, the doctor said she would refer us speech and language therapy. And since then I have been chasing up this referral letter. I called the BCH about every two weeks, kept being told they sent a letter, that I would get a call which never came. I finally ended up writing a letter to their Chief Exec which resulted in the letter being sent. First I was told we dropped priority and wouldn’t be seen by next year. I complained and was referred to their “in community” service and had an appointment within the next month. Long Story ey? Imagine how I feel about it, drained, emotional and frustrated. Then imagine how I felt when I was told by the therapist that I could have referred myself. Simply calling them making an appointment. No one told me.

And this is not the end. When Dharma had nephritis, we were told to give them a call if anything happens that we are worried about. So this past week, the kid has been incredibly tired. Like totally tired. Falling asleep as soon as she sat down. GP sent us packing when we went. But I am worried, she is sleepy, pale, not hungry and she drinks a lot. So I called BCH. Was told I would get called back in an hour. That was Thursday. No call back came. Called again two hours later, had to explain everything again, was told I would get called back. No call back. Called Friday morning, was told I would get called back and I said I would hold and she should get a registrar on the phone for me. Registrar came on the phone and got a bit snappy with me. So I snapped back. And then he said, you can relay your concerns at your appointment on the 8th of August. I had no idea about this appointment, in fact I had been chasing this appointment for a few weeks now because I had no letter and then he says that the appointment had been made in March. No one cared to tell me, in fact even when I called no one was able to tell me about it, no letter sent. When he then suggested that I had misplaced the letter I freaked out. Yeah right, blame the parent. I totally misplace important letters about my daughters care all the time. If this had been the first case of miscommunication from them I would have probably thought it was me. However, this was the umpteenth time.

I lost my calm yesterday. I raised my voice to the registrar, which is unfair because it’s not his personal fault. However, the institution he works for totally pushed me over the edge this week.

I feel upset about this not only for my and especially Dharma’s sake but also for the sake of children, who don’t have parents that are able to fight their corner. Adults who may lack the verbal skills to fight their corner, don’t know their rights and so their kids fall through the huge gaps and lack the care they deserve. It’s not the adults faults then, it’s the hospital’s fault, the NHS fault to not do their work properly.

Sometimes I just cannot be calm.